A little older, not much wiser

Justin was showing me his Old Tumblr account earlier, and I got reminded of this little space of mine. 

The last post was just less than a year ago. But much have changed since then. An obvious example is finally letting someone into my life. That was about 4 months ago. 

My career has its own ups and downs, but nothing too major I can't handle, yet. I must admit that it feels good having someone who cares enough to want to know about your work woes. That's something new to me. But of course this is not to say that people in my life before didn't do the same. It was just me deciding to open myself up a little more than I used to.

There are of course other issues that haunt me. But some I'm trying to resolve within myself. 

Balance

So I was browsing Twitter (more often of late than I'd like to admit) and happen to chance upon this old blog which became super rusty. I doubt anyone reads it but it used to be my little corner to rant and express. I'm still very much a diary person but I think I have more strength to type than write after a long day of work.

More than a year has gone by since my last update. The changes have been drastic. One year ago I was struggling to get my career stabilised. Today I'm servicing a car, paying bills, basically doing all the nonsense adult things. It's crazy how much has changed.

As much as I hate to admit, I feel like I'm not as nonchalant as before. I care about people a little more now. Sometimes I feel happy, but most other times it got me thinking whether it's worth it at all. I'm no saint of course, but I think it's wrong to think that others should reciprocate when you start treating them well in an exclusive way. Guess what? It doesn't work that way, silly. 

I found myself emphasising on the importance of having a balance in whatever you do, be it your career, health, relationship or family. They all should kind of fall together simultaneously. It frustrates me to a great extent when I don't feel this balance (which is most of the time really).

I have learnt to want things simple. Actually be simple happy. Complications and overthinking are the worst!

Sigh.

Well I have to get up early so I shall end my senseless rants for now. 

Good night ghouls.

Sick in my body, soothing on the mind

I finally got struck by illness from the lack of rest/water and working too hard. When bad throat and flu comes together, it's just the worst! But I'm still rather cheery from certain events of late. You know, those small little things that makes you smile? Not just in the heart, but really the ones that makes you look silly because you'll be grinning to yourself like an idiot. :D

Also, hard work pays off. Keep pursuing! (In most aspects it should work, but of course there are exceptions.)

I manage to get up today, head to the gym for some static and yoga. It's quite therapeutic really. And at home I had relatives over, ate a hearty dinner (my fav youmian). Yep I also gave in to a piece of KFC chicken in the end. Which was super awesome by the way. So much for wanting to recover from my cough quickly. But I did spam at least 5 rounds of hot water on a single tea bag afterwards. I'm that thrifty/lazy. Practised some basic guitar chords, help my little cousin with her homework. There was this particular P6 math question which was insanely difficult. Even my smartypanty friends couldn't enlighten me. Ridiculous! We're convinced that there was a flaw and that the question is impossible to solve without complex algebra.

I now have a brand new iPod nano (in red too! Whoopeedooo!) with engravings that say "Think less, feel more" in an attempt to go against my Think More Feel Less mentality.

No prize for guessing who it's from. But many many thanks for it! :)

Another week to battle! Good night secret stalkers.

Hello long weekend!

For once in a long time, it's a 4-day work week! Say hello to Good Friday!

You know now, I barely have time to stone like i used to. Any spare time I have, I appreciate it so much. I find joy in taking a stroll to my favourite juice stall in Bugis in the middle of the day, to catch a breather and feel the heat of Sun on my skin.

I've also been listening to music a loooot. Really makes travelling long distance so much easier.

Will be spending some time with the clique in the morning, sending Kexin off to Korea! So glad I'm learning to say no to people now. Thinking more for myself, way to go Kai.

Should probably get some sleep. Good night!

Rough is an understatement.

Someday I will get used to mindless ridicule.

Rough day? You have absolutely no idea. It's all accumulated.

This and that and those. I wonder what caused this change in me. Where is that nonchalant and collected person I used to be? Once you let yourself feel a little, anything that can be bad, will only be worse. What's the point?

As a friend always said to me, nobody should make you feel lesser than you truly are.

I'm so exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I yearn for a good long break. Just by myself. Because I have no one else and that's perfectly fine with me.

And again I digress. Doing things alone does not mean that I'm a loner or that I'm lonely. People have to start to understand that.

A stroll back

There's work goals. And then there are other better reasons why I'm working so much these days. None of which you'll understand.

So Friday night I had a mandatory gathering at the superior's place; steamboat and drinking session. Kind colleague dropping me off at Bugis. Standing by the roadside, I thought to myself "When was the last time I took a good long stroll?

So I did.

I had a destination. And I headed towards that path (with some help from Google Map of course). Along the way I took many pictures, so that I could compile them into a collage at the end.

So I did.

I was glad I took that stroll. Even though it left me feeling more vulnerable than I thought I could be. Not such a nonchalant Kai afterall.

Day after day I lose hope in certain things, but gain more in other aspects. I guess it's always important to find a balance. Blessed are the ones who have it all.

I'm still learning to be strong. And someday I will be. You'll be amazed.

Its any moment now.. When you're on your way to cross my path..

Exchange?

Alda

10 April reminds me of my best friend Alda. It's her birthday so happy 24th my dear butter!!

Although I have no idea what this silly girl has been doing, having lost contact with her for a few years now. I'm hoping to cross path with her again sometime soon.

We were really close back in Secondary school. I used to be more mandarin speaking given that I'm exposed to a very Chinese family background. She was obviously better in English (A1 for O levels, quite a big deal!) Wasn't till I met her in Secondary 3, both of us always trying to accommodate each other so it was pretty funny. To be honest I think I learnt to speak more fluent English because of her.

We were from the same CCA (concert band). The manly me in the drums section while she elegantly playing the flute and piccolo (was a proud friend cuz she was the only piccolo player at that time!). She would make herself home whenever she comes over to my place. We would automatically treat Social Studies lesson as napping time. Those were great times. Even though we don't hang out very much outside of school.

I really miss spending time with her actually. Where the fuck are youuuuu?

You may think it's nearly impossible that I'm unable to track her down, what with social media and all. But that girl does not own a Facebook or anything. The doods have even resorted to emailing her few years back. :(

No matter what you're doing now, I hope you've been well and happy. Waiting for the day we bump into each other again.

Happy birthday again Ms Poon.